Whatever It Takes Read online

  Contents

  Copyright

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Epilogue

  From the Author

  Whatever It Takes

  by Natalie Brunwick

  © 2019 Natalie Brunwick

  This is a work of fiction. Any names or

  characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any way, including

  information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author.

  Keep up to date on Natalie’s new and

  upcoming releases by joining her

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  Chapter One

  “You’ve got this, Em.”

  Jess’ voice barely registered as Emily watched out the passenger side window. Three stories of brick and concrete rolled into view, the familiar structure doing absolutely nothing for her nerves or the knot that had formed inside her stomach. The butterflies she’d felt first thing this morning burst to life when Jess pulled up to Williams Middle School, their erratic wingbeats making her wish she’d never come back.

  “It’s been twenty years,” Jess said as she calmly placed a hand on Emily’s shoulder. “Maybe she won’t remember.”

  Emily didn’t believe that for a second. “Coming here was a mistake. I could’ve gone anywhere else in the country—”

  “But you got a job here,” Jess finished for her. “It won’t be that bad. You know that, right?”

  Looking at the large middle school, Emily wasn’t so sure.

  In fact, if she squinted hard enough, she could almost see her former self walking through the front doors hand in hand with Sarah, the woman she’d kissed so long ago and the cause for all of her anxiety.

  “I’m totally okay with you playing hooky, but this is your first day. People talk when you don’t show up on the first day.”

  “They’ll talk anyway.” Emily could see it now, the cliques and circles of friendship she’d never be a part of because she was new. She may have been an adult and it may have been eons later, but that part of being new never changed. At least not for her.

  “So go in there and make sure they get it right,” Jess said, oblivious to her thoughts. “Come on. You’re acting like a kid.

  Remember what I said last night?”

  How could she forget? Jess had spent the entire evening chanting the same thing over and over again like a witch’s

  spell hoping it’d come true.

  “The past is the past,” Emily said with a sigh.

  “And?” Jess urged with a hint of amusement in her voice.

  “Today is the present and an open opportunity for the future.” Emily rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the smile on her face. “You’re such a dork.”

  “I’m you’re dork,” she corrected Emily, “which is why you love me.” She batted her long lashes and stuck out her tongue in pure Jess fashion. “So what if Sarah remembers you? It’s been twenty years. Whoever holds a grudge that long shouldn’t be in your life.”

  “Right.”

  Emily didn’t say anything after that, eying the large structure in front of them. The building was just as tall and foreboding as she remembered, immediately sending her back to when she was a teen. The first day of seventh grade was hell and today probably wouldn’t be any better.

  “It can’t be that bad,” Jess said when Emily didn’t get out of the car. “It isn’t like you’re going on a first date or anything.”

  If only. At least then Emily would know where she stood.

  God, I don’t even know why I came back here. Twenty years felt like an eternity, and yet everything looked the same. The ivy hanging off the sun-bleached walls, the large glass windows, and even the steps out front were just as she remembered them.

  “I should’ve called her before I got here,” Emily murmured, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear before meeting her gaze in the passenger side window. “I should’ve given her a heads up.” Not show up like the last twenty years never happened.

  “You don’t even know if you’ll bump into her. That place is huge. What are the odds of you running into her in a place like that?”

  “There’s only one teachers’ lounge,” Emily told her. The possibility of running into Sarah, her first kiss, was very real.

  Unless she decided to have lunch elsewhere, there was no way she could avoid it.

  “You know,” Jess began, tapping a finger to her chin, “you still have enough time to call in a sub.” Her smile reached all the way to her eyes, and Emily playfully punched her in the arm. “I’m just saying. Of course, you do realize you can’t hide from her forever.”

  And that’s what Emily was afraid of. Never one for confrontation, the thought of facing Sarah made her sick to the stomach. It wasn’t just her fear of rejection or Sarah’s likely anger, either.

  Years after her move, Emily thought about Sarah and the life that might’ve been if her stepdad hadn’t gotten a job somewhere else. Too young to live on her own, Emily had no choice but to go with him and her mother, leaving her childhood friend behind.

  She could’ve moved in with Jess and her aunt, much like she was doing now, but her mother insisted Emily go with them.

  “This was a bad idea,” Emily said with her heart in her throat. “I’m a grown woman for goodness sake. This shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “But it is,” Jess said with a kind smile, “and for good reason. You have a history here. You have a history with her.

  It’d be weird if you weren’t a little nervous.”

  “A little?” Emily released a nervous laugh. More like a lot.

  Every nerve in her body was on fire.

  Looking at the school again, she could almost see Sarah walking up to the front doors. Back then, they were inseparable, which was kind of funny considering how different they were. Sarah was totally into sports and Emily was… well, Emily. Boring. Average.

  While Sarah put on her cleats and ran onto the field, Emily hid away in her books. It wasn’t because she needed an escape

  from real life but because it was something she enjoyed to do.

  In all honestly, Emily envied her old friend.

  Uprooted by her folks, Emily had promised to stay in touch, but whenever she sat down to write a letter, she choked.

  She’d ghosted Sarah, which was something she’d never planned to do.

  “Well?” Jess urged. “Are you going to just sit here all day?

  I could always walk you up to the front doors if you’d like.”

  She was teasing, obviously, but it still brought a smile to Emily’s face.

  Emily shook her head and took Jess’ hand in hers. “As much as I appreciate everything you’ve done, you need to cut me loose. I’ll see you after?” Moving in with her cousin was a necessary evil due to the enormous costs in the area. Because of that, she’d turned in her car, relying on Jess for rides or her own two feet in order to get home.

  “Call me if you need anything,” Jess said, giving Emily’s hand a squeeze before letting it go. “Anything,” she said again, emphasizing the word.

  “I will.
” Reaching across the console, Emily leaned into her, then gathered her things before getting out of the car.

  Jess lingered a moment more, studying Emily as she fixed her blouse. Once she was sure Emily wouldn’t turn and run, she drove off, leaving Emily alone in front of Williams Middle School.

  Without Jess to fall back on, Emily took a deep breath and reached for the straps of her backpack only to realized they were no longer there.

  Come on, Emily chided herself. You’ve got this.

  With the wind tugging at her hair, she made her way toward the front doors, hesitating a moment before finally walking through the halls.

  You remember your first day of middle school, right? First time having a locker, first time having to switch classes, and the first time working with an entire team of teachers molding you into the adult you’d become? Emily was one of those

  teachers now, and even though she knew the middle school like the back of her hand, there was a small voice in the back of her head insisting she’d get lost. Either that or she’d forget her homeroom number.

  Teachers don’t really run into that problem, but the fear was still there. The familiar walls didn’t help.

  Walking down the long empty corridors, Emily swallowed around her nerves as her navy blue heels clicked on the tiled floor. She cringed when the sound echoed off the surrounding walls.

  Up one flight of stairs and halfway down another hall, she finally found her classroom. The chairs were still turned upside down on top of the desks.

  After dropping her things off behind a desk and writing her name on the chalkboard behind it, she got to work, organizing the students’ desks so they made a perfect U shape in front of her.

  Moving one of the desks, she winced when its legs screeched across the floor. That was one thing she didn’t miss, and by the time she was done, the students were already walking through the door.

  Going over the list of names for her first class, she handed out emergency contact forms and watched her new students as they worked. Being on this side of the room instead of sitting in one of the smaller desks was surreal but mildly satisfying as well.

  Not wanting to stare or make anyone uncomfortable on their first day, Emily let her eyes wander. Her heart dipped into the pit of her stomach when she spotted a familiar face across the hall. I can’t believe it. The odds of her running into Sarah was bad enough without her working right across from Emily.

  Now Emily knew Sarah would see her. What happened next was anyone’s guess.

  She looked exactly as Emily remembered, from her long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail to her squared shoulders and very noticeable confidence. Heat rushed into Emily’s

  cheeks when one of her students walked up to her, the young girl’s voice barely registering as Emily watched—as she stared at Sarah Thompson.

  “Ms. Barnes?” the girl, Katie if Emily remembered correctly, met Emily’s gaze and offered her a shy smile. “Are you okay?”

  Emily returned Katie’s smile with one of her own, turning her attention to the students in her classroom instead of the woman working across the hall. “I’m fine,” Emily managed. “I just thought I saw someone I knew.”

  “I thought all the teachers knew one another.”

  “I used to,” Emily admitted. “I just moved back to the area.” Why am I telling her this?

  Emily could easily see herself in one of the empty desks around the room. It would’ve been so easy to join everyone else if she didn’t have an actual job to do.

  Shaking her head if only to herself, she cleared her throat, then asked Katie to sit down. Clearly pleased with her answer, Katie did as she was asked without giving it a second thought.

  All throughout first period, Emily made an effort not to look across the hall, but she could’ve sworn she felt Sarah watching her. Her eyes burned at Emily’s skin, an odd tingle making itself known at the back of Emily’s mind.

  Emily really should’ve called. No doubt Sarah knew she was back in town before this morning, but if she did, why didn’t she talk to her? Sarah must’ve heard her moving the desks earlier and had probably looked in, so why didn’t she drop in to say hi?

  Maybe it was because Emily hadn’t done the same, but if she’d known she’d be working right across from Sarah… I would’ve called in a sub for sure.

  The possibility of Sarah not remembering her could’ve been a thing, but much like Sarah, Emily looked almost identical to how she did so many years ago. The only difference now was instead of wearing turtlenecks and sweatshirts, Emily wore a blouse and slacks. Other than that,

  she looked exactly the same. Even her hair was the same. She didn’t cut it, dye it, or anything.

  She’s angry, Emily decided.

  That was the most likely option, and who could blame her?

  It may have been twenty years later, but Emily had had more than enough time to reach out to her, especially once she got her own place.

  But then that was the problem with being a teenager. Emily wasn’t allowed to make her own choices, and when she was finally old enough to do so, they felt insignificant.

  Moving across state lines, Emily never planned on coming back, which made it a lot easier for her to stop calling, stop writing, and to never send the letters she actually wrote. If she’d known she’d end up back here, she would’ve done things differently, but then that’s life.

  You never expect to go back.

  Chapter Two

  All through second and third period, Emily focused on her students, going over the curriculum for the semester as well as handing out various lesson plans. She’d always wanted to teach English, especially when it came to creative writing, so she made sure her lesson plans centered around that fact.

  By the time class was over, Emily knew which kids would be a handful and which ones to look out for, which weren’t always the same thing. Those like Katie would be easy to teach but hard to handle since she was shy and sweet. Emily would have to make sure she went hard on her and not give her a free pass.

  With her morning over and the lunchroom calling her name, Emily locked her things in her desk, then rushed out of the room, running down the hall in hopes of getting Sarah’s attention before she reached the stairs.

  “Sarah, wait,” Emily called after her, stopping short when the woman paused at the top of the stairwell with her hand on the railing.

  At first, Emily wondered if she’d gotten it wrong. Maybe this woman wasn’t her Sarah after all. Even in her dark slacks, Emily couldn’t help thinking back to their very first kiss. Their only kiss.

  Had Sarah thought about it as much Emily did? Did she even remember?

  Emily stepped forward, pausing when Sarah’s shoulders stiffened. “I know I should’ve called,” Emily said, wanting to close the distance between them but thinking better of it.

  Considering Sarah’s rigid posture, keeping her distance and giving the other woman some space was probably best. “I should’ve written or done something. Anything.” Emily released a long breath and let her hands drop to her sides.

  “Will you please look at me?”

  Sarah didn’t move. When she spoke, her tone was hard and cold. “Why should it matter?” she asked, her words short and clipped. “It isn’t like we’re friends anymore.”

  But we were, Emily wanted to argue. The words never passed over her lips. “I messed up, I get that, but we’re gonna have to work together—”

  “No,” Sarah corrected her. “We’re not. There’s no recess, so we don’t have to work together at all. You’re a coworker, nothing more.” With that, she turned on her heels and faced Emily, her eyes full of hurt and years of pain. “Don’t do this.”

  Don’t open old wounds, Emily could almost hear her say.

  “I don’t mean to,” Emily began, her voice thick, “I just wanted to—”

  “To what? To pick up where we left off?” Sarah scoffed and shook her head, her ponytail swaying as she did. “You always were a dreamer. It
isn’t realistic. Maybe after five years I would’ve felt differently, but twenty? Twenty years? Come on, Emily. How can you expect me to feel anything right now when we don’t even know each other? We’ve been apart longer than we were together as friends. I don’t know you. I don’t know anything about you or how your move went because you never told me.”

  “And I’m sorry about that, but—”

  “But the move was hard on you, I know,” Sarah cut in as she took a step toward her. “Your aunt told me when I had to ask her how you were doing. I even asked for your address, but the stupid letter got returned. I’ve changed, Emily, and I’m pretty sure you have as well. So please don’t go around starting things that don’t need to be started. It was nice seeing you again, but that’s as far as this will ever go.”

  Emily swallowed around the hard lump in her throat as she tried to think of something she could say, but Sarah was right.

  It was also what Emily expected. Like Sarah said, they didn’t know each other. They’d been friends for close to a decade before she moved, and it had been longer than that since she left.

  Sarah was a teenage crush and nothing more. That’s what Emily told herself, anyway. Her heart, however, didn’t agree, beating hard and fast whenever Sarah looked in her direction.

  Sarah was the last part of her previous life. The life Emily had back when her dad was still around. When he was still alive.

  Sarah knew her pain better than anyone else. She’d held Emily when she cried. She’d distracted her by letting her play old video games. She’d helped Emily get her hope back when her family was falling apart.

  Until Emily’s mom remarried three years later. Emily thought they’d stay close forever, but in the end, they both knew what her mother’s new life meant. Emily moved out of state, and Sarah got left behind. I left her, Emily thought with a shaky breath. It might not have been her choice, but she’d left.

  And right now, Emily had no idea how to take it back.

  “Enjoy your lunch,” Sarah said, the disappointment in her voice causing Emily’s heart to skip once more.

  Snapping out of her trance, Emily watched Sarah go, wishing more than anything that she’d invited Emily to go with her.